the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.