I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
nutella sex= disaster
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It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
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It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.