i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
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I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
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Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.