We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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