think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said