Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
