I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy