I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
