I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
