Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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