i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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