Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
