It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
