I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
