Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
