Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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