The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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