We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
