i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
