Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I can text with my tongue
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
