I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
