2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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