How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I see more hoeing in ur future
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