just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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