Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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