dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
