How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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