I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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