I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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