i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
