Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
