he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
