Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
