my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
