She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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