please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
