I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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