That's intense
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
