honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
