how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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