if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
