Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
