I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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