i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
