20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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