Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
