oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
