Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
