I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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