I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
