If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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