His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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