Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize