According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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