Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
