please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
