This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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