i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
