I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
then he tried to convert me to islam
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
