i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize