i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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