Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
