look no pants
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
