Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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