Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
