Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
