Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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