Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
