He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
