I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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