I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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