3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
