just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
