..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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