How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
