Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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