I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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