Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
